That has been the word of the day lately for me. I feel like my life is at a standstill. Actually, I am very busy right now. I am busy raising boys, keeping a household, organizing the logistics of life for the next few months. But, I feel like I am at a standstill. What is the deal?
What am I doing with my life? Am I using my time and efforts wisely? Am I available for God to use me? Do I feel God is using me? Why do I go day after day and feel absolutely no sense of reward or accomplishment?
Well this Sunday a children's choir from Uganda sang a couple of songs during the worship service. You know, I have heard better choirs, but it was just beautiful to see those kiddos singing about and to Jesus in their native tongue. Someone told those kids about Jesus. They sang with joy and feeling and smiles on their faces. It was very touching for me and I had to sit there and hold back my tears. Ridiculous I must say.
The choir finished up and and I remember telling the Lord - "I want to be used by You. I don't have to go to another country or do anything BIG on the spiritual spectrum. I will, if you want me to, but I really just want to be used to fulfill Your ultimate plan." About the time I finished those thoughts the worship leader asked us to stand to continue our worship and as I stood the world STAGNANT rang loud and clear in my head again.
Instantly the music began and the song "Living Rain" came back to haunt me. I began singing and as I listened to the words I was singing the tears began to flow. What the heck?? Control yourself Lynita. You and all your friends are sandwiched on this row like the old Youth Group days. FINALLY, the song ended. None to soon either.
I have been reading my Bible and praying and really trying to press in and seek after the Lord. But after all my efforts, I still feel like nothing is happening. Like, surely the Lord placed me on this earth for more that this. I've come to the realization that it is very much like running on a treadmill or a stationary bike. I get on the bike everyday. I work hard. I sweat. I hurt. I ride till I'm out of breath and my legs don't feel like they will move anymore. But, I don't go anywhere. After 30 minutes I'm still sitting in my living room. I do this though, so that when the time comes and I get on my trike and have the opportunity to ride I will be able to ride, to go the distance, achieve my goals without growing weary.
I will continue to pursue God even while I feel stagnant. Hopefully this is like a training period. Prayerfully, this is an opportunity for me to become strong in Him, get my armor on for what may come, wait before Him for the right opportunity. Be prepared and be ready so that when He does call upon me with my special mission, He will know He has the right woman for the job.
Dear God, Rain on me. Rain on my life. Thank you that you are the living rain, life changing rain. During this time of stagnation in my life, keep me focused on you. Prepare me to fulfill my destiny in You. Most of all - take as long as you need. I know you have plans for my life, but it is all in your perfect timing. Thanks God!!! Amen